[At first, there is no sound but the quiet hum of an engine- the inside of a shuttle, and the occasional shift of controls. Finally, an unsteady exhale.]
Dezel... would probably yell at me for doing this. Like it's giving up. That isn't my intention. ...If everything's over, and we're all fine, just delete this, all right? I'll probably say this to your face, anyway. You don't need a recap.
[The cockpit chair creaks noisily as he leans back, leaving enough of a pause between one sentence and the next, in case- in case everything is fine. In case this isn't even necessary.]
I keep trying to think about what I'll say to you... I want to be eloquent about it, tell you what you need to hear to make all of this go away. Truth is, I'll probably just yell at you. Logic and reasoning isn't going to do much in this situation, and I'm not Lailah. Everyone says I can do this, but... but I don't...
[His breath catches, and he stops for a long moment, until the hitch is gone from his voice when he continues.]
I'm going, anyway. I don't need to tell you why. At least, I... shouldn't. I never thought I had to, before. You and me, we...
...I should've asked. Days ago. Weeks, maybe. How long has this been bothering you? I kept waiting for you to tell me, but-- that didn't work last time, either. It's so stupid, in retrospect. We spend all this time studying history, hoping to learn from the past and improve our own future, but when the time comes--
[He stops again, and this time the sound that escapes his lips is too much like a sob for him to hide it.]
--Sorry. This isn't... how I wanted this to go.
Listen... I'd be lying if I said I wasn't angry. You know I'm angry. But I'll forgive you if you let yourself be purified. I don't care by who. I don't even care what happens between now and then. I don't... I mean, I do, I just- you know what I mean. You always know what I mean. You--
[A sudden, pained intake of breath; the comm skitters across whatever it's resting on as the shuttle swerves, and there's a long silence as Mikleo breathes in, out, in, out, trying to stabilize himself.]
...I'm not stupid, I know what this is. You were trying to protect me, right? Protect all of us. And if you're that far gone, maybe this is pointless. If it is, then... I'm sorry for that, too. But I have to try. I want to save you, and I can't just wait around. Would you?
[.....]
Hah... Gramps would really chew us both out for this. There wouldn't be a tree left uncooked in the whole forest by the time he'd be done yelling. He'd probably zap the malevolence right out of you, and everything would be back to normal again.
I wish he was here, Sorey.
[What follows is a long, trembling sigh. There's a distant plip-plip of drops of liquid hitting metal.]
I won't tell you what to do, if this ends badly. I won't ask you to make any promises for me. I always thought it was cruel to do that - "go on living for me"! - like they do in those stupid romance novels you used to read, like that one... what was that book called? You woke me up at 3 in the morning with snot all over your face, crying about some poor fictional couple who never got the chance to share a life together. I never understood why you liked those books so much. I'm not very romantic, I guess. Maybe I should've tried harder to...
....
I swear, if everything's fine and this message is pointless I am definitely stealing your comm and erasing it. Ugh... this is...
...A-anyway, I... I think you should talk to someone. About all of this. That's my request. What did Lailah say? "The burden of the Shepherd is not yours alone", wasn't it? It was something like that. Well, the burden of being Sorey should be shared, too. You spend all this time worrying about everyone else, and you hate to make others worry about you. But since we all just end up worrying anyway, you might as well tell us when something is wrong.
[Another pause, longer this time; the whole ship vibrates, entering the atmosphere, soaring towards a landing point. Only when the noises stabilize again does he speak up. His voice is faint, still strained and frightened, but... lighter, in a way. As if to prove his point: talking helps.]
Hey, Sorey? I'm really glad we left Elysia. Seeing the world outside of Gramps' domain, meeting everyone, getting to change the world... for all the complaining I did along the way, it really was a dream come true. I loved it.
no subject
Dezel... would probably yell at me for doing this. Like it's giving up. That isn't my intention. ...If everything's over, and we're all fine, just delete this, all right? I'll probably say this to your face, anyway. You don't need a recap.
[The cockpit chair creaks noisily as he leans back, leaving enough of a pause between one sentence and the next, in case- in case everything is fine. In case this isn't even necessary.]
I keep trying to think about what I'll say to you... I want to be eloquent about it, tell you what you need to hear to make all of this go away. Truth is, I'll probably just yell at you. Logic and reasoning isn't going to do much in this situation, and I'm not Lailah. Everyone says I can do this, but... but I don't...
[His breath catches, and he stops for a long moment, until the hitch is gone from his voice when he continues.]
I'm going, anyway. I don't need to tell you why. At least, I... shouldn't. I never thought I had to, before. You and me, we...
...I should've asked. Days ago. Weeks, maybe. How long has this been bothering you? I kept waiting for you to tell me, but-- that didn't work last time, either. It's so stupid, in retrospect. We spend all this time studying history, hoping to learn from the past and improve our own future, but when the time comes--
[He stops again, and this time the sound that escapes his lips is too much like a sob for him to hide it.]
--Sorry. This isn't... how I wanted this to go.
Listen... I'd be lying if I said I wasn't angry. You know I'm angry. But I'll forgive you if you let yourself be purified. I don't care by who. I don't even care what happens between now and then. I don't... I mean, I do, I just- you know what I mean. You always know what I mean. You--
[A sudden, pained intake of breath; the comm skitters across whatever it's resting on as the shuttle swerves, and there's a long silence as Mikleo breathes in, out, in, out, trying to stabilize himself.]
...I'm not stupid, I know what this is. You were trying to protect me, right? Protect all of us. And if you're that far gone, maybe this is pointless. If it is, then... I'm sorry for that, too. But I have to try. I want to save you, and I can't just wait around. Would you?
[.....]
Hah... Gramps would really chew us both out for this. There wouldn't be a tree left uncooked in the whole forest by the time he'd be done yelling. He'd probably zap the malevolence right out of you, and everything would be back to normal again.
I wish he was here, Sorey.
[What follows is a long, trembling sigh. There's a distant plip-plip of drops of liquid hitting metal.]
I won't tell you what to do, if this ends badly. I won't ask you to make any promises for me. I always thought it was cruel to do that - "go on living for me"! - like they do in those stupid romance novels you used to read, like that one... what was that book called? You woke me up at 3 in the morning with snot all over your face, crying about some poor fictional couple who never got the chance to share a life together. I never understood why you liked those books so much. I'm not very romantic, I guess. Maybe I should've tried harder to...
....
I swear, if everything's fine and this message is pointless I am definitely stealing your comm and erasing it. Ugh... this is...
...A-anyway, I... I think you should talk to someone. About all of this. That's my request. What did Lailah say? "The burden of the Shepherd is not yours alone", wasn't it? It was something like that. Well, the burden of being Sorey should be shared, too. You spend all this time worrying about everyone else, and you hate to make others worry about you. But since we all just end up worrying anyway, you might as well tell us when something is wrong.
[Another pause, longer this time; the whole ship vibrates, entering the atmosphere, soaring towards a landing point. Only when the noises stabilize again does he speak up. His voice is faint, still strained and frightened, but... lighter, in a way. As if to prove his point: talking helps.]
Hey, Sorey? I'm really glad we left Elysia. Seeing the world outside of Gramps' domain, meeting everyone, getting to change the world... for all the complaining I did along the way, it really was a dream come true. I loved it.
[I love you.]
...I'd better go.