monolike | IC CONTACT

That's because the ladies like a man with long hair, Sorey... ~

[Yeah, Sorey doesn't know anything about that.

He sobers, hands still clasped and pressed between his knees as he tries to make eye contact.]

...you sounded like you had something you need to say.

[ Ah.

The time for jokes is over, then.

Zaveid breathes out, lifting his head and pursing his lips before he nods, once. ]

I want you to tell me why you want to be the Shepherd.

[Sorey meets Zaveid's eyes, finally, at his tone before looking back down at his knees. It's not like the question requires thought; Zaveid wants his honest feelings, and Sorey will give them to him. Whether or not that influences any decision Zaveid makes, well, that doesn't have any bearing on what he needs to say.]

It's not out of guilt, [he begins, because he knows that for certain. It's not as if he's become the Shepherd again to try and right his wrongs, or to make up for what he'd done.] And when I first agreed to this in Ladylake, I really didn't know what I was getting into. Lailah warned me, but the reality of it just didn't sink in. Now...

[Sorey takes a deep breath and lifts his head to meet Zaveid's eyes again.] Now I truly know what it means to be a human being. [His hands clench between his knees to the point of pain as he tries to keep them from shaking.] I'm...I'm flawed. I'm capable of anger, and sadness, and loneliness. And I'm capable of ego. Everything that can make a human being generate malevolence, I have the potential for all of that inside of me.

I want to be the Shepherd because I- I want to accept all of myself. I was raised by seraphim, and...and sometimes I can't understand humans. But I'm also a human being, and now I know the pain and fear they experience when they feel trapped. I want to do everything in my power to make the world livable for both. So humans can live without that fear, and so seraphim can live without that corruption.

[Sorey bows his head.] I'm sorry it's such a selfish reason. Sometimes it feels a little like being torn between two families, but I don't want there to be sides. To be an 'us' and a 'them.' If there's a way to bridge the gap between the ideals of seraphim and the ideals of humans, I want to spend the rest of my life searching for it.

Edited 2016-10-04 05:04 (UTC)

[ Sorey clears up Zaveid's worries almost instantly; he didn't want this man to return to being a Shepherd out of guilt or uncertainty or because he felt as though he was obligated. The only thing that would happen then is that there would be more pain, more suffering, more darkness and malevolence around him and they might not be able to save him the next time. He might not even want to be saved, and that's something they need to think about, from now into the future.

For now, he just stands and he listens.

Tilting his head up, Zaveid nods, once, sharply. ]

You've always been human, Sorey. Sure, you were raised with us seraphim but that doesn't change what you are in your heart. I think you forgot that along the way. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, just... You gotta know who you are, in your core, otherwise you're never gonna be able to keep yourself safe and happy.

[ His expression softens before he lifts his hands, shrugging. It's almost shockingly familiar. ]

C'mon, everyone's a little selfish in their own way. You've got nothin' to worry about.

[Zaveid shrugging and sounding much like he always does is reassuring, but he also tends to hide a lot. Of course, what he's saying isn't wrong, either.]

Thanks... It's just a hard thing to come to terms with. [Sorey hesitates before he scoots over on the crate in a clear invitation. He's still not sure if Zaveid is wary about being so close to him and he doesn't want to force it, but he wants Zaveid to know it's there, if he wants to try.] Can I ask you something?

You should remember you're still young, too. It's okay to need to learn things as you go as well.

[ Because he's barely a dot in the lifetime that Zaveid has lead, and that's both terrifying and comforting. He simply has to accept it as his lot in life, but... ]

You just did.

[ Been spending too much time with Lailah? Maybe. ]

...you've been hanging out more with Lailah, haven't you? [YOU GET TO KNOW PEOPLE WHEN THEY LIVE INSIDE YOU]

What? Were you expecting me to ignore a beautiful lady?

[So she's been to see him. Unsurprising.]

Have you ever resented humans?

Huh?

[ The question makes him pause and he considers, for a moment, before he shrugs. ]

Sure, maybe, once. But then I grew up and I realised that you humans are like little kids to us seraphim. You don't get much time to grow up, so there's no point resenting you for things you can't control, right?

[That kind of feels a little...well, it's not like Sorey can say anything about it. He more or less proved Zaveid's point all by himself.]

I see. I suppose I can't argue with that.

[Sorey slides down from the crate.] Have you talked to Mikleo yet? He was asking after you, when he first came back.

[ At least he doesn't say it to be cruel, or intentionally mean; he's too old to think so two-dimensionally about humanity. He's had good and bad experiences, too many to count, and he can't just drop them all on Sorey right now. ]

That's gotta be a first. You always argue with me.

[ But then he's crossing his arms, breathing out. ]

Yeah, I went to see him.

[Yeah well. It's a lot easier to argue back when you've got a leg to stand on.]

Mikleo doesn't resent you, or blame you or anything. He told you, right?

[ Jeez... Zaveid almost winces. ]

Yeah, I got the whole speech. Don't really need to hear it again.

Just checking. [He didn't think Mikleo would let Zaveid get away without saying it, but the guy has a way of changing the topic to avoid things he doesn't want to hear. And Mikleo's tired.] So what now? Now that you've heard my answer.

[ It's true; Zaveid had made a good effort to try and keep the conversation away from the obvious, but Mikleo was about as stubborn as he was - there really was no escape. Now all he can do is breathe out, leaning back to stare up at the roof above them. ]

Now I guess I gotta go talk to Lailah.

Are you gonna be her sublord again? [Not sure how he feels about that, still. But that's probably not going to be resolved any time soon.]

I'm gonna talk to her first. See what happens.

[ Because the two of them are both still uncertain - him and Sorey - and there's no point making a pact when their relationship would only sour it. ]

I'm worried about her. [Sorey folds his arms and sighs, bowing his head.] But she never really lets me worry too much. She showed up right in the middle of this, and then she was looking after everyone... She's working herself awfully hard.

[ Zaveid breathes out quietly. ]

I'll keep an eye on her, don't worry. She might not talk to you about it, but I'll get her to talk to me. Alright?

Alright. [Sorey sighs heavily and slumps back down onto the crate.] ...Zaveid, if you did take the sublord pact back up, what would your reasons be?

Edited 2016-10-13 06:19 (UTC)

... I have things I need to do. You know I've got a score to settle.

[ He doesn't quite know how much Sorey does and doesn't know these days; can he talk about Maotelus? Can he mention the things he learned? Zaveid's not sure. He makes it obvious either way.

When he continues, though... His voice is quieter. ]

It's been a long time since I was around people. Maybe I missed it. Being a part of something.

[Sorey expected the first reason; it's the same one Zaveid gave in the beginning, and it's not as if they've accomplished what they set out to do just yet. Even considering Eizen.

It's the second part that gives him pause. He remembers a few things Zaveid had spouted off before he joined up with them, about traveling alone as he killed hellions one after another. Because he'd promised, and because he believed there was no other way for him to save them...and then he'd joined up with the Shepherd crew and purification had suddenly become an option.

Sorey clenches his fist.

I won't ask you to come back-

No. No, that's the opposite of what Zaveid needs right now. And Sorey is never again going to use the excuse of protecting others to hide how he wants to protect himself.]

...I'm going to make a world where you can do that, without making promises you hate. That's still true.

If that's something you want, then...I want you back. [Sorey looks up at Zaveid, determined.] Come back and lend me your strength. [He bows his head, knuckles pressed to his knees.] Please.

[Last time Zaveid had bullied his way in and Sorey had only reluctantly agreed. He had been a replacement, a necessary one but not entirely welcome by those still grieving.

This time he should do this right. Zaveid should be asked to help, the way it should be, for all seraphim. Zaveid needs to be shown he's just as cherished as everyone else who has lended Sorey their power so he can achieve his dreams.]

Edited 2016-10-13 21:08 (UTC)

[ It's hard to be honest, and it's hard to say exactly what he wants to, but he does his best. Sorey has been honest with him, and when he asked... He knows that the Shepherd spoke from his heart. Zaveid has no right to hide things, to deny them, to pretend otherwise, and even if his past is a murky sea of pain and heartache he knows his future can be brighter.

He doesn't want to hide things anymore. It's too hard. He feels like he's wandering around in circles trying to find an answer to a question he hasn't even been asked, and it leaves him on edge and uncertain because he genuinely doesn't know what to do. He knows he has to talk to Lailah, of course, to figure things out, to make sure this is really going to be okay, but until then...

Zaveid breathes out, looking down at Sorey for a moment.

It's hard not to feel so desperately old when he remembers just how young Sorey is, but for his age... He's strong, and bright, and brave, and maybe that's all that matters for now. ]

...

[ He doesn't have to think about it anymore. Slowly, he wraps his arm around Sorey's shoulders and ruffles his hair. ]

Jeez, if you need me that badly then I guess I can't say no.

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